Diet Denial

I was looking at one of the many message boards or forums, if you'd rather call them that, last night. It's amazing their specificity. You name the diet and you'll find a message board for it. Low carb, low fat, low calorie, low salt, the list is endless.

I have noticed one thing, at least, that they all share and that is denial. It comes in many forms, but it is always there. Case in point:

I spent the evening reading the posts on one dieters thread. Her journey to success. It was a journal of sorts that she posted to every few days and then her online friends would answer her posts with rousing cheers for your successes and heartfelt sorrow for her failures.

I read all seventeen pages which covered a thirteen month period. I know, I need a life. Anyway, she started this journey at about 177 pounds. Within this thirteen month period she went up the same twelve pounds to end up thirteen months later back at 177 pounds.

This isn't news. Many people, myself included, lose and gain the same pounds over and over again. What I found interesting were her posts, and this is where the denial comes into play.

Her posts came in two fashions. One were posts where she had lost weight, a pound or less. The other posts, which made up 95% of the posts were complaints about not losing weight and how the diet just simply was not working for her.

In all of her misery, her online pals gave her virtual hugs and admired her stick with it attitude. They weeped and moaned about her fate and how difficult she had it while trying too hard for so long to lose weight.

What no one seemed to mention or perhaps not even notice, as they did not have the perspective of looking over a year at once, was that those 95% of posts that complained of no weight loss also contained the confession of the extra sugar, bits and bites, and days of eating off her plan.

That bit of information seemed to be pushed aside as far as possible and ignored. Of course, here was the true reason she wasn't losing weight. It was right there in black and white if she or any of her buddies wanted to take the time to look and acknowledge the hard cold facts. With all the cheats and days off plan, she was never really truly on plan.

Instead, it was easier for her and everyone else to deny the obvious and sit back and pretend that she and they were helpless. For if they were to admit her faults, then they would have to admit their own.

From personal experience, I know that denial tastes much better when shared with company.

DOT Says Pigs Can Fly

The Department of Transportation in all its wisdom declared today that airlines must allow service animals on planes, including pot belly pigs and miniature horses.

Please know, this post is not about the need some may have for service animals to help them with their daily needs regardless of what type of animal it may be. I say, God Speed, and whatever gets you through the day is all right with me.

This is simply about the irony of it all. They throw fat people off planes for being too big to fly, but a horse or a pig, no problem. The article went on to say that if there wasn't a seat available for the animal, that a passenger might be asked to move to a new seat to accommodate the animal unless, that is, the passenger is willing share some of their floor space and leg room with the animal.

When's the last time someone was willing to share some of their seat with an overweight person let alone livestock?

Honestly, it boggles the mind.

I can hear it now, "Excuse me, ma'am, you don't mind if my pig sits in your lap do you?"

The passengers with these animals do have to promise that the animals won't go to the bathroom while on the plane. You know, I had a hard enough time house training my dog. I'm not sure I could get a horse to go...or not go...on command.

The airports will be required to have bathroom spaces and personal to take the animals for that all important last potty break before boarding.

All I'm saying is if a 300 lb pig can fly and not have to pay for an extra seat than so can I.

Have I Waited Too Long?

Yesterday, I happened upon a support message board for people that had or were going to have weight loss surgery. What struck me was that they had a memorial page for those members of the forum that had died. The members that had passed away seemed to have fallen into one of about four categories. They follow:

1 - They died waiting for their insurance companies to approve the surgery.
2 - They died as a result of complications from surgery.
3 - They died sometime after the surgery in a car accident.
4 - They died sometime after the surgery from cancer.

It was sad to see these people who had such high hopes for their life after surgery to end up not having a life at all. What struck me most were the people that had the surgery, lost the weight, and then ended up dying later due to a serious illness.

I have taken my health for granted. Yes, I have been overweight for years, but I have not developed any health issues due to the weight. I've been lucky and as I said, have taken for granted that my good fortune will continue.

What I have to wonder is how much of these people's extra weight played a part in their later developing a serious illness?  Certainly, anyone - heavy or not - can develop a life threatening illness, but I still wonder.

What I really wonder is have I waited too long?  I'm actually losing the weight as this is written, but have I waited too long?  I feel like the smoker that has smoked for thirty years who finally gives up smoking only to have to wonder if they did so in time before they set the ground work for lung cancer.

Will I finally lose this weight only to end up dying from some illness I have laid the ground work for all these years I have taken my health for granted?

I wonder.

Time

I wonder when motivation kicks in. What does it take? My father died a week ago. He had been ill, but the timing seems off. We assumed he had time left. That got me to thinking about time. We always think that we'll have tomorrow to do what we just didn't get to today, but maybe we won't. I think about the life I'd like to have. It includes more friends, more freedom to do the thinks I keep myself from doing because of my weight. It also includes companionship and dare I say love. Being overweight is isolating. I do it to myself, and it is done to me by others. People don't seem to want to take the time to get to know who I am as a person. They don't like what they see on the outside, so I guess, they figure they won't like what's on the inside.

I'm not silly enough to believe that being thin solves all of a person's problems, but it doesn't hurt. Maybe there is a whole other list out there of problems just waiting for the day I finally lose the weight. Honestly, I'd welcome them. At least, they would be a change of pace.

So, back to time. It is so easy to say, "I'll start tomorrow. I'll worry about that on Monday. This isn't a good time, maybe next week." I just have to wonder, how much time is left?

Still Fat, Still Flying

Well, here it is, over two years since I started this blog. At that time, I was concerned that being over weight would make flying to England difficult. Since then, I have flown to England twice. In fact, I just got back a couple of weeks ago. Guess what? Being over weight made flying to England difficult. The seats were small, the tray table wouldn't lay flat across my lap, and let's not even mention the bathrooms. Let's face it, airplane bathrooms are a nightmare on a good day! Try stuffing 240 lbs into one and, well, it doesn't even stand talking about.

So, the $100,000 dollar question is why am I still over weight? I know the simple answer - I eat too much and don't exercise. Why do I eat too much and why don't I exercise? Now there's the rub. I think, I could even come up with an answer for that. Having said that, it still doesn't explain why I can't seem to get myself off the sofa for more than a trip to the ice box.

I'm a terribly smart person. If I want something, I go after it and usually get it. I don't stop or back down. That is unless we're talking about losing weight and getting into shape.

I'm back on the blog because I really want to get this all in hand. A new decade has started, and I'd like to see what I can do to change the direction of my life.

If nothing else, it should be interesting!

a moment is the answer to all of lifes mysteries!

Why Do People Hate Fat People?

While I was trying to fall asleep last night, I started to wonder why people hate fat people. In history, it seems, that one group's hate of another group stems from fear. People fear what they don't know or understand, but I don't think that is it. I think, in this culture of political correctness, people are running out of people to hate. It is no longer acceptable to judge people based on race or religion. Not that it was ever correct, but in years past correctness didn't stop anyone. Today, it is not tolerated.

What's a person to do? Hating someone gives the hater a sense of moral superiority. It's like early risers. I'm sure you know the type. The man or woman that gets out of bed at four or five in the morning and looks their nose down at anyone who might dare to sleep until 9:00 am. Somehow, we have infused getting up before light as a sign of virtue. While the poor, lazy, bum that dares to sleep past sunrise, is held as an example of sloth and all that is wrong with our society. I've never figured out why a person that gets their eight hours of sleep between 9:00p.m. and 5:00a.m. is somehow better than a person that gets their eight hours between 2:00a.m. and 10:00a.m.? Eight hours is eight hours.

I think this is the key to the question. People need to feel that in some fundamental way they are better then someone else. The easiest way to do that is to find something about a person that one can point to and and say, "Hey that's a choice you've made." People don't have a choice of skin color, nor do most make the choice of their religion as they are born into it. However, people can say, a person makes the choice of what they put in their mouths, and just like early risers it becomes a distinction between good and bad.

It doesn't matter that weight gain and loss has many components. It doesn't matter that some people, although few, have health issues that cause weight gain. It doesn't matter that if weight loss was as simple as eating or not eating, there would be no fat people. Our relationship with food is complicated to say the least, but none of that matters.

What does matter is that people can look at someone and point and simplify the issue to a question of willpower and self-worth. They can point and say, "You're fat. I'm not. That makes me better than you." Once they have made that leap in logic, it gives them permission to hate.

Weight Loss (or the lack of weight loss) and Dating

I had a conversation today with my former boyfriend. When we met, about one and a half years ago, we both had some weight to lose. I'd say he was about 70 lbs overweight. I was more like 100 lbs overweight. Yikes. That is always scary to see in print.

Anyway, we went our seperate ways. I won't bore you with the details, but it was one of those things where after a year of dating all of a sudden he, "wasn't ready for a relationship." I guess, he didn't realize he was already in one.

Anyway, in that year he not only lost his 70 lbs he has become Mr. Exercise. I think that is wonderful, really. I haven't seen him for sometime, but from what he tells me, and he likes to tell me this as often as he can, he is looking really good.

I'm afraid to report that in that same year, I have gone up and down in weight, but have ended up pretty much where I started. Now, he wants to get together in November. He is in Denver at the moment, and I am in South Carolina.

What to do. What to do. I hate that I have wasted so much time in the weight loss game. I hate that I feel as if I need to go exercise 12 hours a day as if I am on the Biggest Loser. I hate that I even have to think about weight. I hate that he wants to see me. I hate that I care what he thinks. I hate that I have failed where he has been successful.

I just mention this because, I find the whole thing depressing. The easy out, of course, is to not see him. The shame is, I'd kind of like to see him.

What to do. What to do?

Introductions

I read an article yesterday that talked about over-weight people and the size of airline seats. The bottom line, no pun intended, was whether or not larger people should pay for two seats. The truth of the matter is airlines are not going to give their customer's more room without higher costs. The population is not going to get smaller. The seats are not going to get larger. People's views on the heavy are not going to change.

Regardless on which side you may fall on this issue my problem is, I have a fat butt and I am flying to England in three months time.

My options are limited. One seat is about $1200 Economy class. Business class starts at around $2,600 a seat. Forget about First class.

I can't afford two seats let alone Business or First Class.

It's not that I can't fit into one seat. I can. The arm rest goes down. I lean towards the window and hold my breath and I don't touch anyone else. Of course, after eight hours in this position, I have cramps in my whole body and most likely have turned blue.

I live in terror the entire flight that the person next to me will make a snide comment, that I'll have to go the bathroom, or that my legs will have to be amputated from lack of blood flow due to the arm rest digging into them.

I'm afraid the only option I see available to me is to have a much smaller butt three months from now.

But how?