Diet Denial

I was looking at one of the many message boards or forums, if you'd rather call them that, last night. It's amazing their specificity. You name the diet and you'll find a message board for it. Low carb, low fat, low calorie, low salt, the list is endless.

I have noticed one thing, at least, that they all share and that is denial. It comes in many forms, but it is always there. Case in point:

I spent the evening reading the posts on one dieters thread. Her journey to success. It was a journal of sorts that she posted to every few days and then her online friends would answer her posts with rousing cheers for your successes and heartfelt sorrow for her failures.

I read all seventeen pages which covered a thirteen month period. I know, I need a life. Anyway, she started this journey at about 177 pounds. Within this thirteen month period she went up the same twelve pounds to end up thirteen months later back at 177 pounds.

This isn't news. Many people, myself included, lose and gain the same pounds over and over again. What I found interesting were her posts, and this is where the denial comes into play.

Her posts came in two fashions. One were posts where she had lost weight, a pound or less. The other posts, which made up 95% of the posts were complaints about not losing weight and how the diet just simply was not working for her.

In all of her misery, her online pals gave her virtual hugs and admired her stick with it attitude. They weeped and moaned about her fate and how difficult she had it while trying too hard for so long to lose weight.

What no one seemed to mention or perhaps not even notice, as they did not have the perspective of looking over a year at once, was that those 95% of posts that complained of no weight loss also contained the confession of the extra sugar, bits and bites, and days of eating off her plan.

That bit of information seemed to be pushed aside as far as possible and ignored. Of course, here was the true reason she wasn't losing weight. It was right there in black and white if she or any of her buddies wanted to take the time to look and acknowledge the hard cold facts. With all the cheats and days off plan, she was never really truly on plan.

Instead, it was easier for her and everyone else to deny the obvious and sit back and pretend that she and they were helpless. For if they were to admit her faults, then they would have to admit their own.

From personal experience, I know that denial tastes much better when shared with company.

DOT Says Pigs Can Fly

The Department of Transportation in all its wisdom declared today that airlines must allow service animals on planes, including pot belly pigs and miniature horses.

Please know, this post is not about the need some may have for service animals to help them with their daily needs regardless of what type of animal it may be. I say, God Speed, and whatever gets you through the day is all right with me.

This is simply about the irony of it all. They throw fat people off planes for being too big to fly, but a horse or a pig, no problem. The article went on to say that if there wasn't a seat available for the animal, that a passenger might be asked to move to a new seat to accommodate the animal unless, that is, the passenger is willing share some of their floor space and leg room with the animal.

When's the last time someone was willing to share some of their seat with an overweight person let alone livestock?

Honestly, it boggles the mind.

I can hear it now, "Excuse me, ma'am, you don't mind if my pig sits in your lap do you?"

The passengers with these animals do have to promise that the animals won't go to the bathroom while on the plane. You know, I had a hard enough time house training my dog. I'm not sure I could get a horse to go...or not go...on command.

The airports will be required to have bathroom spaces and personal to take the animals for that all important last potty break before boarding.

All I'm saying is if a 300 lb pig can fly and not have to pay for an extra seat than so can I.

Back Again

Here I am back at this orphaned blog. I am truly going to try to stick with it this time. It's funny, I tend to only come here when I have a trip planned. I am flying to Seattle in December, so here I am again considering plane seat size.

Of course, I wouldn't have to concern myself with this if I had actually lost the weight. Instead, I worked quite hard at putting even more on. That's life my friends. No point in crying over the past.

Perhaps this time, I will finally be able to stick with it and make a lasting change. One can only hope!

Emotional Eating

I already knew that I was and am an emotional eater.  I remember one time, years and years ago, my boyfriend at that time and I got into a big fight.  I left the house and found myself driving to McDonalds.  I will never forget the thought that went through my head.  I said to myself as I drove, "I'll show him." 

I'm not actually sure what I thought I was going to show him except that I could gain weight without putting much effort into it.  It was a light bulb moment, which I completely ignored even though I didn't forget it.

What has surprised me with this round of weight loss attempt is to discover that it isn't only the bad emotions that send me to fridge.  Even the happy emotions make me want to eat.  Here are two examples:

A few weeks ago, I decided to join a tennis club.  I was very excited about this because I love to play tennis.  I also thought it might be a good way to meet people with common interests.  Sometimes, I feel like I don't have much to look forward to, so I thought this would give me something.  As I was leaving the club, I was thinking about how motivating being a member would be due to the fact I would need to continue on my diet and lose more weight and exercise to improve my game.  So, what did I do?  As I am having these thoughts, I immediately drove to a restaurant and got something to eat.  The urge was overwhelming. 

The second example was today.  I might have a chance to take a trip next spring to Egypt.  Going to Egypt has been a life long dream for me.  The idea is very exciting.  Of course, one of the first things I thought about was the plane trip and those small seats!  That should keep me on my diet if nothing else does.  So what happens?  I get a strong urge to go eat fast food.  It should be noted that I haven't eaten fast food in over two months.  I pretty much talked myself into it, but couldn't leave at that moment, and by the time I could leave, the urge had passed.  I was lucky this time.

I find this whole thing pretty interesting.  I guess what it means is that I need to find ways, besides food, to not only deal with the bad things that happen in life but also the good.

Who knew?

Have I Waited Too Long?

Yesterday, I happened upon a support message board for people that had or were going to have weight loss surgery. What struck me was that they had a memorial page for those members of the forum that had died. The members that had passed away seemed to have fallen into one of about four categories. They follow:

1 - They died waiting for their insurance companies to approve the surgery.
2 - They died as a result of complications from surgery.
3 - They died sometime after the surgery in a car accident.
4 - They died sometime after the surgery from cancer.

It was sad to see these people who had such high hopes for their life after surgery to end up not having a life at all. What struck me most were the people that had the surgery, lost the weight, and then ended up dying later due to a serious illness.

I have taken my health for granted. Yes, I have been overweight for years, but I have not developed any health issues due to the weight. I've been lucky and as I said, have taken for granted that my good fortune will continue.

What I have to wonder is how much of these people's extra weight played a part in their later developing a serious illness?  Certainly, anyone - heavy or not - can develop a life threatening illness, but I still wonder.

What I really wonder is have I waited too long?  I'm actually losing the weight as this is written, but have I waited too long?  I feel like the smoker that has smoked for thirty years who finally gives up smoking only to have to wonder if they did so in time before they set the ground work for lung cancer.

Will I finally lose this weight only to end up dying from some illness I have laid the ground work for all these years I have taken my health for granted?

I wonder.

Time

I wonder when motivation kicks in. What does it take? My father died a week ago. He had been ill, but the timing seems off. We assumed he had time left. That got me to thinking about time. We always think that we'll have tomorrow to do what we just didn't get to today, but maybe we won't. I think about the life I'd like to have. It includes more friends, more freedom to do the thinks I keep myself from doing because of my weight. It also includes companionship and dare I say love. Being overweight is isolating. I do it to myself, and it is done to me by others. People don't seem to want to take the time to get to know who I am as a person. They don't like what they see on the outside, so I guess, they figure they won't like what's on the inside.

I'm not silly enough to believe that being thin solves all of a person's problems, but it doesn't hurt. Maybe there is a whole other list out there of problems just waiting for the day I finally lose the weight. Honestly, I'd welcome them. At least, they would be a change of pace.

So, back to time. It is so easy to say, "I'll start tomorrow. I'll worry about that on Monday. This isn't a good time, maybe next week." I just have to wonder, how much time is left?

Still Fat, Still Flying

Well, here it is, over two years since I started this blog. At that time, I was concerned that being over weight would make flying to England difficult. Since then, I have flown to England twice. In fact, I just got back a couple of weeks ago. Guess what? Being over weight made flying to England difficult. The seats were small, the tray table wouldn't lay flat across my lap, and let's not even mention the bathrooms. Let's face it, airplane bathrooms are a nightmare on a good day! Try stuffing 240 lbs into one and, well, it doesn't even stand talking about.

So, the $100,000 dollar question is why am I still over weight? I know the simple answer - I eat too much and don't exercise. Why do I eat too much and why don't I exercise? Now there's the rub. I think, I could even come up with an answer for that. Having said that, it still doesn't explain why I can't seem to get myself off the sofa for more than a trip to the ice box.

I'm a terribly smart person. If I want something, I go after it and usually get it. I don't stop or back down. That is unless we're talking about losing weight and getting into shape.

I'm back on the blog because I really want to get this all in hand. A new decade has started, and I'd like to see what I can do to change the direction of my life.

If nothing else, it should be interesting!

a moment is the answer to all of lifes mysteries!