Emotional Eating

I already knew that I was and am an emotional eater.  I remember one time, years and years ago, my boyfriend at that time and I got into a big fight.  I left the house and found myself driving to McDonalds.  I will never forget the thought that went through my head.  I said to myself as I drove, "I'll show him." 

I'm not actually sure what I thought I was going to show him except that I could gain weight without putting much effort into it.  It was a light bulb moment, which I completely ignored even though I didn't forget it.

What has surprised me with this round of weight loss attempt is to discover that it isn't only the bad emotions that send me to fridge.  Even the happy emotions make me want to eat.  Here are two examples:

A few weeks ago, I decided to join a tennis club.  I was very excited about this because I love to play tennis.  I also thought it might be a good way to meet people with common interests.  Sometimes, I feel like I don't have much to look forward to, so I thought this would give me something.  As I was leaving the club, I was thinking about how motivating being a member would be due to the fact I would need to continue on my diet and lose more weight and exercise to improve my game.  So, what did I do?  As I am having these thoughts, I immediately drove to a restaurant and got something to eat.  The urge was overwhelming. 

The second example was today.  I might have a chance to take a trip next spring to Egypt.  Going to Egypt has been a life long dream for me.  The idea is very exciting.  Of course, one of the first things I thought about was the plane trip and those small seats!  That should keep me on my diet if nothing else does.  So what happens?  I get a strong urge to go eat fast food.  It should be noted that I haven't eaten fast food in over two months.  I pretty much talked myself into it, but couldn't leave at that moment, and by the time I could leave, the urge had passed.  I was lucky this time.

I find this whole thing pretty interesting.  I guess what it means is that I need to find ways, besides food, to not only deal with the bad things that happen in life but also the good.

Who knew?

Have I Waited Too Long?

Yesterday, I happened upon a support message board for people that had or were going to have weight loss surgery. What struck me was that they had a memorial page for those members of the forum that had died. The members that had passed away seemed to have fallen into one of about four categories. They follow:

1 - They died waiting for their insurance companies to approve the surgery.
2 - They died as a result of complications from surgery.
3 - They died sometime after the surgery in a car accident.
4 - They died sometime after the surgery from cancer.

It was sad to see these people who had such high hopes for their life after surgery to end up not having a life at all. What struck me most were the people that had the surgery, lost the weight, and then ended up dying later due to a serious illness.

I have taken my health for granted. Yes, I have been overweight for years, but I have not developed any health issues due to the weight. I've been lucky and as I said, have taken for granted that my good fortune will continue.

What I have to wonder is how much of these people's extra weight played a part in their later developing a serious illness?  Certainly, anyone - heavy or not - can develop a life threatening illness, but I still wonder.

What I really wonder is have I waited too long?  I'm actually losing the weight as this is written, but have I waited too long?  I feel like the smoker that has smoked for thirty years who finally gives up smoking only to have to wonder if they did so in time before they set the ground work for lung cancer.

Will I finally lose this weight only to end up dying from some illness I have laid the ground work for all these years I have taken my health for granted?

I wonder.