Emotional Eating

I already knew that I was and am an emotional eater.  I remember one time, years and years ago, my boyfriend at that time and I got into a big fight.  I left the house and found myself driving to McDonalds.  I will never forget the thought that went through my head.  I said to myself as I drove, "I'll show him." 

I'm not actually sure what I thought I was going to show him except that I could gain weight without putting much effort into it.  It was a light bulb moment, which I completely ignored even though I didn't forget it.

What has surprised me with this round of weight loss attempt is to discover that it isn't only the bad emotions that send me to fridge.  Even the happy emotions make me want to eat.  Here are two examples:

A few weeks ago, I decided to join a tennis club.  I was very excited about this because I love to play tennis.  I also thought it might be a good way to meet people with common interests.  Sometimes, I feel like I don't have much to look forward to, so I thought this would give me something.  As I was leaving the club, I was thinking about how motivating being a member would be due to the fact I would need to continue on my diet and lose more weight and exercise to improve my game.  So, what did I do?  As I am having these thoughts, I immediately drove to a restaurant and got something to eat.  The urge was overwhelming. 

The second example was today.  I might have a chance to take a trip next spring to Egypt.  Going to Egypt has been a life long dream for me.  The idea is very exciting.  Of course, one of the first things I thought about was the plane trip and those small seats!  That should keep me on my diet if nothing else does.  So what happens?  I get a strong urge to go eat fast food.  It should be noted that I haven't eaten fast food in over two months.  I pretty much talked myself into it, but couldn't leave at that moment, and by the time I could leave, the urge had passed.  I was lucky this time.

I find this whole thing pretty interesting.  I guess what it means is that I need to find ways, besides food, to not only deal with the bad things that happen in life but also the good.

Who knew?

Have I Waited Too Long?

Yesterday, I happened upon a support message board for people that had or were going to have weight loss surgery. What struck me was that they had a memorial page for those members of the forum that had died. The members that had passed away seemed to have fallen into one of about four categories. They follow:

1 - They died waiting for their insurance companies to approve the surgery.
2 - They died as a result of complications from surgery.
3 - They died sometime after the surgery in a car accident.
4 - They died sometime after the surgery from cancer.

It was sad to see these people who had such high hopes for their life after surgery to end up not having a life at all. What struck me most were the people that had the surgery, lost the weight, and then ended up dying later due to a serious illness.

I have taken my health for granted. Yes, I have been overweight for years, but I have not developed any health issues due to the weight. I've been lucky and as I said, have taken for granted that my good fortune will continue.

What I have to wonder is how much of these people's extra weight played a part in their later developing a serious illness?  Certainly, anyone - heavy or not - can develop a life threatening illness, but I still wonder.

What I really wonder is have I waited too long?  I'm actually losing the weight as this is written, but have I waited too long?  I feel like the smoker that has smoked for thirty years who finally gives up smoking only to have to wonder if they did so in time before they set the ground work for lung cancer.

Will I finally lose this weight only to end up dying from some illness I have laid the ground work for all these years I have taken my health for granted?

I wonder.

Time

I wonder when motivation kicks in. What does it take? My father died a week ago. He had been ill, but the timing seems off. We assumed he had time left. That got me to thinking about time. We always think that we'll have tomorrow to do what we just didn't get to today, but maybe we won't. I think about the life I'd like to have. It includes more friends, more freedom to do the thinks I keep myself from doing because of my weight. It also includes companionship and dare I say love. Being overweight is isolating. I do it to myself, and it is done to me by others. People don't seem to want to take the time to get to know who I am as a person. They don't like what they see on the outside, so I guess, they figure they won't like what's on the inside.

I'm not silly enough to believe that being thin solves all of a person's problems, but it doesn't hurt. Maybe there is a whole other list out there of problems just waiting for the day I finally lose the weight. Honestly, I'd welcome them. At least, they would be a change of pace.

So, back to time. It is so easy to say, "I'll start tomorrow. I'll worry about that on Monday. This isn't a good time, maybe next week." I just have to wonder, how much time is left?

Still Fat, Still Flying

Well, here it is, over two years since I started this blog. At that time, I was concerned that being over weight would make flying to England difficult. Since then, I have flown to England twice. In fact, I just got back a couple of weeks ago. Guess what? Being over weight made flying to England difficult. The seats were small, the tray table wouldn't lay flat across my lap, and let's not even mention the bathrooms. Let's face it, airplane bathrooms are a nightmare on a good day! Try stuffing 240 lbs into one and, well, it doesn't even stand talking about.

So, the $100,000 dollar question is why am I still over weight? I know the simple answer - I eat too much and don't exercise. Why do I eat too much and why don't I exercise? Now there's the rub. I think, I could even come up with an answer for that. Having said that, it still doesn't explain why I can't seem to get myself off the sofa for more than a trip to the ice box.

I'm a terribly smart person. If I want something, I go after it and usually get it. I don't stop or back down. That is unless we're talking about losing weight and getting into shape.

I'm back on the blog because I really want to get this all in hand. A new decade has started, and I'd like to see what I can do to change the direction of my life.

If nothing else, it should be interesting!

a moment is the answer to all of lifes mysteries!

Why Do People Hate Fat People?

While I was trying to fall asleep last night, I started to wonder why people hate fat people. In history, it seems, that one group's hate of another group stems from fear. People fear what they don't know or understand, but I don't think that is it. I think, in this culture of political correctness, people are running out of people to hate. It is no longer acceptable to judge people based on race or religion. Not that it was ever correct, but in years past correctness didn't stop anyone. Today, it is not tolerated.

What's a person to do? Hating someone gives the hater a sense of moral superiority. It's like early risers. I'm sure you know the type. The man or woman that gets out of bed at four or five in the morning and looks their nose down at anyone who might dare to sleep until 9:00 am. Somehow, we have infused getting up before light as a sign of virtue. While the poor, lazy, bum that dares to sleep past sunrise, is held as an example of sloth and all that is wrong with our society. I've never figured out why a person that gets their eight hours of sleep between 9:00p.m. and 5:00a.m. is somehow better than a person that gets their eight hours between 2:00a.m. and 10:00a.m.? Eight hours is eight hours.

I think this is the key to the question. People need to feel that in some fundamental way they are better then someone else. The easiest way to do that is to find something about a person that one can point to and and say, "Hey that's a choice you've made." People don't have a choice of skin color, nor do most make the choice of their religion as they are born into it. However, people can say, a person makes the choice of what they put in their mouths, and just like early risers it becomes a distinction between good and bad.

It doesn't matter that weight gain and loss has many components. It doesn't matter that some people, although few, have health issues that cause weight gain. It doesn't matter that if weight loss was as simple as eating or not eating, there would be no fat people. Our relationship with food is complicated to say the least, but none of that matters.

What does matter is that people can look at someone and point and simplify the issue to a question of willpower and self-worth. They can point and say, "You're fat. I'm not. That makes me better than you." Once they have made that leap in logic, it gives them permission to hate.

Weight Master

Check out this edition of the Weight Management and Fitness Forum 27th Edition . It's a great source for articles on diet / fitness /and weight loss.

Back Injury and Exercise

I hurt my back a couple of months ago exercising. I was twisting at the waist and throwing my arms back and forth in front of my chest, as the video showed, and yikes, I pinched a nerve in my lower back. The pain and discomfort has come and gone and come again.

The issue is, I am trying to exercise to lose inches to, hopefully, fit my backside into a plane seat in January. I can't simply not exercise, so I have been looking for gentle exercises I can do while my back heals.

So far I have come up with this:

• Walking - I'm not sure this is the best thing for a bad back, but it was suggested.
• Swiming - There is no way I'm getting in a bathing suit!
• Callentics - I did this years ago and lost 3 inches off my thighs in one week. It is supposed to be very gentle. I found it to be difficult but easier each time.

I did go for a walk today with the dogs. They enjoyed it. My back is screaming at me right now, but I don't know that the walk had anything to do with it. At least, it was a beautiful day.

I actually have the Callentics DVD. I think, I'll get it out and give it a try. I'll let you know how it goes.

If anyone has a suggestion, please let me know!